Your Self Remembers

When we are very young our survival depends utterly on how well we are able to shape ourselves to the demands of the world. We learn quickly that our family, school and culture has clearly defined expectations of us, and that fulfilling these expectations often requires that we ignore – and if necessary, exile – the voice of our true Self.

By midlife, though, things often begin to change, says Jungian analyst James Hollis. The instinctual Self, the one we born with, bumps up against the floorboards of the adaptive, provisional self that we created to survive. Tired of being ignored, it now wants to be seen and heard. It begins to withdraw energy and approval from a life, a work, and from values it no longer cares for.

This insurrection usually feels like a defeat for our Ego, says Hollis. The Ego has worked hard to help us survive and build a life. It privileges itself and what it knows; it wants sovereignty over all; it wants to be in charge, wants to create a life according to its own priorities, which are comfort and security above all.

“But what psyche wants of us at this point in our lives may have very little or nothing to do with what we would like or what our culture or traditions approve of,” says Hollis. “What psyche wants is growth. It wants to express itself in a way that is true to the core of who we are and perhaps have always have been.”

Toni Morrison is a writer I like a lot. She captures this revolt by the Self elegantly using the Mississippi as a metaphor:

"You know, they straightened out the Mississippi River in places, to make room for houses and liveable acreage. Occasionally, the river floods these places. 'Floods' is the word they use, but in fact it is not flooding: it is remembering. Remembering where it used to be. All water has a perfect memory and is forever trying to get back to where it was.” *

Questions worth asking yourself:

What commitments or relationships has psyche quietly been withdrawing energy from in your life?

What return might it be asking or preparing you for?

Reconnect with your core Self. Contact me about my therapy services in Vancouver.

* From a talk given at the New York Public Library in 1986.